When Good Kids do "Bad" Things

Does your child ever do something "bad" just to get your attention?  And sometimes it's "super bad"?  Argh!  It might even be hugely embarrassing to you and your entire family which just throws fuel on to the fire brewing inside you, right?

I've had a few situations thrown my way recently where even I've been amazed at the stories but after brainstorming the why and the what to do with parents I've noticed that the "why" part was connected to the "how to fix it" part in a way we weren't expecting.  

One little boy who was only in first grade decided to expose himself at school  Yikes!  Guess who landed in the principals office?  Yep, the kid AND the parents.  Ugh... embarrassing!  The challenge was that even after a 'talking to" by the principal that adorable little boy did it AGAIN and AGAIN!  

Well, that brave mom reached out to me since she had come to my class a few years ago hoping for some new ideas.  We decided to BRAINSTORM together and noticed:

• Her son was the middle child of 3 and wasn't getting much positive attention.
• He told her one night, when things were calm, that he just did it to get attention and how much he liked attention from others

The ideas we came up with here two fold:

1. Mom would use the PROBLEM SOLVING technique to work with her son to figure out some new ways to get attention.  
2. Mom would spend some "Special Time" with her son doing something they'd both enjoy where he could receive tons of her positive attention and love.

Mom went off and immediately set to work!  She and her son were able to go through a few suggestions about "what SOME kids might do" to get positive attention.  Then she scheduled time where the two of them went out for an event together.  The amazing thing is that the flashing stopped IMMEDIATELY once he was empowered with new ideas about how to get positive attention.  He also had a way to let his mom know when he was needing extra attention.  Just the other day he sweetly said that he'd like another date with her.  

Success!

And that's not all... another mom of a 3 year old was horrified and stunned at her son misbehaving in Trader Joes.  He was reaching out and pulling at things and almost hit the clerk at the check-out.  Yikes!  What to do?  She was so appalled that she couldn't think of anything to do except call me.  Yeah!  I love it!  We brainstormed and came up with basically two similar ideas: 

1. He wasn't getting any "cute" attention when they'd go out in public because the adorable 1 year old sister was getting it.  They were always together since he wasn't in preschool yet.  Mom needed to use ENERGY DRAIN to let her son know how much this impacted her energy.  
2. Mom needed to get some fun "Special Time" planned with him so that he could soak up her loving attention and get a re-set on her love for him.

This mom was able to get energy back by laying on the couch.    Ah ha!  He hopped to when he figured that mom meant what she said; she was too drained.  :)  He and mom were also able to have that Special Time and he hasn't had any flair ups since... that was yesterday but... hey... it's still progress, right?  Mom is learning!  

My take-away from all of this is to encourage all of you to evaluate whether or not you're scheduling "Special Time" with your kids.  I know everyone is busy but some things are worth investing in especially as a way to prevent or curb "bad" behaviors that often are related to our not having enough time to encourage "good" ones.  Write and let me know what you think!