A dad was noticing that his son kept forgetting to brush his teeth. He kept saying he was too busy and didn't have enough time. When his son needed to be driven to the store for some school project supplies the dad replied that he didn't have time to drive kids who don't brush their teeth. "What! That's crazy Dad!" he said. Dad just replied: "I know." "But I have my project due tomorrow!" his son said more urgently. Dad calmly said again, "I know. And what did I say?"

His son sighed, left the room and went and brushed his teeth.

Dad happily drove his son with sparkling teeth to the store.

This is a wonderful example of consistently using one-liners while setting a loving limit on what you will do. Congrats Dad!

Setting Loving Limits -- you or your kids?

One of my students recently had a problem with her son getting a little too smart about setting limits. He was understanding so well that he decided it was his turn! He'd say something like: "If I don't get to watch a video than I'm not going to..."

Mom was holding firm but was feeling like her resolve was slipping which happens to many of us all too often.

This is a power struggle that your child is trying to win with you. You do indeed have to hold firm! I would say something like "Nice try... and what did I say?" Or, "That's an interesting opinion, and when did I say you could watch?" When that doesn't work, what do you do? Say it again, very patiently. Repeat, repeat, repeat. Kids are trying to get us to lose our cool so that THEY win. When we can remember this simple technique we're capable of taking the struggle out of this equation.

You can also go Brain Dead and walk away.

Lastly, if your child is really not getting your point use good old Energy Drain to give a generic consequence. Something like "Gee, you really are draining my energy by acting this way. Why don't you put some energy back by taking the dog for a walk or weeding the garden? You can choose which you'd like to do before dinner."

Here's what one mom emailed me who was just learning about the power of one liners:

I tried the one liner on my 5year old. She began to whine about the restrictions on tv/iPad. I said, "I know." She actually stopped and did something else.

Simple! Just try a one liner! Be consistent in using them. The more consistent you are, the more effective they become.

While on a camping trip recently a son was having trouble with finding a way to recharge his phone. He had the idea that the car could charge his phone - he'd done it plenty of times while driving on trips with his dad. He asked his dad for the keys to start the car. Dad mentioned that the car battery might die if he did that but that the bathroom might have an outlet.

His son went down to the camp bathroom and accessed the situation. Nope. No can do. The car was a much better option in his mind so he went ahead and plugged in. Within a short time, the car battery was drained. How could such a small device make a car battery drain? He was astonished! 

He went to his dad and let him know. 

          "Gee, that's so sad. What are you going to do about it? " dad said. 
          "Dad, YOU have to fix it. I don't know how!" 

Dad asked if he'd like some suggestions. He wasn't really interested so Dad just let it go. They were traveling with 8 or so other vehicles and Dad knew they weren't stranded and he could let the problem go. They weren't leaving for another day. He refrained from any lecturing or nagging.

The next day with the battery STILL dead the son was asking dad what he was going to do about it. The dad CALMLY passed the problem back to his son and asked if he'd like some suggestions. The son was starting to see it was HIS problem and now he was willing to listen. After offering to go with his son to some of the friends, the son STILL decided not handle the problem. He had wanted dad to do the talking and dad was happy to stand beside him while HE asked, but not do it for him. 

After a few more hours everyone was packing up their cars to leave. Their car was STILL with a dead battery and, miracle, the other friends actually came over to the car and offered to help. The son said yes and the car started, no problem.

On the drive home dad talked to his son about the incident and what was so hard. His son confessed he was just so embarrassed about doing something so stupid he didn't want to admit it to everyone. They ended the conversation nicely with a talk about having to solve problems that you create.

The son is now an expert in car batteries. The dad did an awesome job of providing the room for his son to learn from his mistakes -- no lecturing or hovering. Wonderful!