Love and Empathy - how to mix them!

EMPATHY is key to providing and creating a loving environment in our homes.  However,  most of us also know it is one of the hardest things to do when we are crazed by our children and their poor decisions and choices. 

Who can possibly be calm when you've...

• just asked your child to pick up their toys for the 10th time?
• seen the homework that was due yesterday in their backpack?
• catch them on YouTube when they're supposed to be using their computer for "homework"?
• they've lost their jacket for the umpteenth time?
• they've stayed out too late with their friends and didn't call you or text you?

Ugh!  All of those situations and hundreds more just make our blood boil, don't they?  We want to yell, scream and pull our hair out.  But... we all need the big EMPATHY reminder card, don't we?  It's EMPATHY that will bring love into our households and allow us to lovingly give either consequences or allow natural consequences to sink in all on their own.  We don't have to the the "bad guy" at all if we remember our EMPATHY.  Let's try it out on the examples above:

• Not obeying the first time:  
  • Wow, this is sooooo sad, it looks like Mommy will be picking up toys.  No problem,  Mommy keeps the toys that she picks up.  I love you so much.
  •   Then you pick up the toys WITHOUT nagging and complaining and just put them away.
  • Your child could moan, complain and have a tantrum but you keep CALM, go BRAINDEAD and use EMPATHY to let them know that it sure is a bummer.  "I know..." is a classic line to use at this point.  
• Missing homework:
  • Wow, this is soooo sad, it looks like this is your homework due yesterday.  What a bummer.  What do you think you're going to do about that?
  • Then you use the PROBLEM SOLVING technique to ask them if they'd like some suggestions.  Feel free to give them more EMPATHY if they decide to either solve or NOT solve their issue.  Give them love and let them know you are sure they can handle it and you are here if they'd like some help.   
• Electronics mis-use:
  • Hmmm... I can see that you're being challenged with using your electronics.  This is soooo sad.  I'm going to have to do something about that.  I love you.  I'm sure we'll be able to think of a solution.  
  • Then you're best to have a FAMILY MEETING to see if you can brainstorm some ideas about how to as a family solve electronics problems.  This won't be easy in some families but if you never try then things will typically only get worse.  If you can lovingly set up an electronics contract that allows the kids some control over their time while allowing everyone to know the consequences then you won't be the bad guy, the contract will especially if the kids decide what the punishment is!

I don't want this blog to get too long so I'll stop there but giving the EMPATHY in one liners like "This is sooooo sad" or "What a bummer" and restraining ourselves from giving the "I told you so" and very un-loving badgering that we tend to do really will bring love back into our families.