When a teenage daughter was getting ready to go off to the football game one Friday evening she was dressed in the typical fashion of a 15 year old -- tank top, short-shorts, flip flops. As her friend's parents came to pick her up she yelled "Bye mom and dad!" as she ran out the door.
About an hour later the parents had settled in to watching a DVD and relaxing at home. Their phone rang. "Mom, I am freezing! I need you to bring me my jacket. It's getting colder and there's still the second half to go."
Her mom had just started a Parenting the Love and Logic Way® class and decided to "experiment" with empathy and celebrating a poor decision. Mom said in her most empathetic voice, "Oh, that is such a bummer. It is really cold tonight. I'm so sorry but your dad and I are busy."
Her daughter couldn't believe what she was hearing. Her mom ALWAYS dropped everything and ran to her rescue. "But mom, I'm so cold! I really need a sweater." Her daughter complained. Mom kept firm in her desire to complete her experiment. "I know." She said with EMPATHY again. She did feel bad for her daughter and she could start lecturing her about how she should have taken her sweater, but she refrained from her old habits. Mom calmly said, "I'm sure you'll think of something and the game won't be but another hour. I'll look forward to seeing you when you get home. We can have hot chocolate when you get here." With that her daughter huffed and hung up the phone.
Later that evening, her daughter got home. Mom skipped lecturing and just let her daughter's poor choice settle in. It wasn't mom's problem to fix or think about.
The next Friday came and another football game was up. Mom was to drive the carpool this time. As they went to go get in the car mom noticed her daughter had a sweater in her hand.
Yes! Mom celebrated! Her experiment worked! Not nagging, not rescuing and not lecturing worked and her empathetic attitude allowed all of the learning to take place.
Congrats Mom!
About an hour later the parents had settled in to watching a DVD and relaxing at home. Their phone rang. "Mom, I am freezing! I need you to bring me my jacket. It's getting colder and there's still the second half to go."
Her mom had just started a Parenting the Love and Logic Way® class and decided to "experiment" with empathy and celebrating a poor decision. Mom said in her most empathetic voice, "Oh, that is such a bummer. It is really cold tonight. I'm so sorry but your dad and I are busy."
Her daughter couldn't believe what she was hearing. Her mom ALWAYS dropped everything and ran to her rescue. "But mom, I'm so cold! I really need a sweater." Her daughter complained. Mom kept firm in her desire to complete her experiment. "I know." She said with EMPATHY again. She did feel bad for her daughter and she could start lecturing her about how she should have taken her sweater, but she refrained from her old habits. Mom calmly said, "I'm sure you'll think of something and the game won't be but another hour. I'll look forward to seeing you when you get home. We can have hot chocolate when you get here." With that her daughter huffed and hung up the phone.
Later that evening, her daughter got home. Mom skipped lecturing and just let her daughter's poor choice settle in. It wasn't mom's problem to fix or think about.
The next Friday came and another football game was up. Mom was to drive the carpool this time. As they went to go get in the car mom noticed her daughter had a sweater in her hand.
Yes! Mom celebrated! Her experiment worked! Not nagging, not rescuing and not lecturing worked and her empathetic attitude allowed all of the learning to take place.
Congrats Mom!