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In this blog we're tackling something every parent struggles with: nagging. "Clean your room." "Did you do your homework?" "Brush your teeth." And then five minutes later, you're saying it all again.
Here's the thing: nagging doesn't work. We all know it, yet we keep doing it. But there are better ways to get things done that actually work and don't leave everyone exhausted and resentful. Let's dive in.
Why Does Nagging Fail?
When we nag, we become our children's external brain. We take responsibility for their tasks. And kids learn they don't have to remember anything because Mom or Dad will remind them.
Nagging also damages relationships. Nobody likes being nagged. It breeds resentment on both sides and teaches learned helplessness. Kids never develop their own internal motivation or executive function skills. We’re trying to be loving and helpful but… nagging winds up being none of those things.
Here’s a list of ideas to try to use to help you stop nagging:
Strategy 1: Natural Consequences
One of your most powerful tools is allowing natural consequences to do the teaching. Forgot their lunch? They get hungry. Didn't put dirty clothes in the hamper? No clean clothes. Didn't do homework? They face consequences at school.
I know this is hard. You want to rescue them. But would you rather they learn now when stakes are low since they are young, or later as adults when consequences are serious like not paying bills or show up for work late because they can’t set an alarm clock? Use judgment for safety issues, but for most daily responsibilities, stepping back is incredibly effective.
Strategy 2: Say It Once
This is a game-changer: say it once, then stop. "Dinner is in 10 minutes. Please set the table." That's it. No repeating, no reminding, no following them around. If you say something more than once it means you’re telling them you don’t mean it, that you’ll handle the reminders instead of them learning to remind themselves. If you say something once then do it yourself, you've also taught them to ignore you.
What happens when they don't do it? The consequence kicks in, yes, you have to figure out consequences. They miss eating with the family, or they set it while food gets cold or maybe mom is only available to take kids to the mall to shop who’ve set the table as they were asked. The key is following through consistently.
Strategy 3: Create Routines
Instead of nagging about the same things daily, build them into predictable routines. Morning routine: wake up, make bed, get dressed, brush teeth, eat breakfast, pack backpack.
Visual charts work wonders for younger kids. Create a checklist they can follow independently. For older kids, have weekly check-ins to review what needs to happen. Then it's on them to manage it.
Strategy 4: Problem-Solve Together
This is totally my favorite strategy!! Instead of telling kids what to do, involve them in finding solutions. "Getting ready for school has been stressful. What ideas do you have for making it smoother?"
Kids are much more likely to follow through on solutions they've helped create. Make it collaborative: "How can we work together so I don't have to remind you about homework?" Keep in mind that problem solving is a process and it might take several attempts to get a workable solution that sticks. Keep at it. Model for your kids that problems take time to solve.
Strategy 5: Transfer Ownership
Have a conversation where you explicitly say, "From now on, your homework is your responsibility. I'm not going to remind you. If you need help, ask me, but managing it is up to you."
Then stick to it. When they forget, resist the urge to rescue. When they face consequences, show empathy but don't bail them out. "That must have been hard. What will you do differently tomorrow?"
Yes, they might fail a few times. That's okay. That's learning. Always, always feel free to step back to Strategy 4 to start problem solving again!
The Bottom Line
When we stop nagging, we're raising capable, responsible adults. We're teaching them to manage their own lives and face consequences. Yes, it's harder in the short term. But we're not raising children; we're raising future adults. And future adults need to know how to function without someone following them around.
Start with one strategy. Pick the area where nagging is worst and try a new approach. Give it at least two weeks before deciding if it's working.
You're not being lazy when you stop nagging. You're being intentional about raising responsible, independent kids. You've got this. If you need help, please reach out to me via email!
In this blog we're tackling something every parent struggles with: nagging. "Clean your room." "Did you do your homework?" "Brush your teeth." And then five minutes later, you're saying it all again.
Here's the thing: nagging doesn't work. We all know it, yet we keep doing it. But there are better ways to get things done that actually work and don't leave everyone exhausted and resentful. Let's dive in.
Why Does Nagging Fail?
When we nag, we become our children's external brain. We take responsibility for their tasks. And kids learn they don't have to remember anything because Mom or Dad will remind them.
Nagging also damages relationships. Nobody likes being nagged. It breeds resentment on both sides and teaches learned helplessness. Kids never develop their own internal motivation or executive function skills. We’re trying to be loving and helpful but… nagging winds up being none of those things.
Here’s a list of ideas to try to use to help you stop nagging:
Strategy 1: Natural Consequences
One of your most powerful tools is allowing natural consequences to do the teaching. Forgot their lunch? They get hungry. Didn't put dirty clothes in the hamper? No clean clothes. Didn't do homework? They face consequences at school.
I know this is hard. You want to rescue them. But would you rather they learn now when stakes are low since they are young, or later as adults when consequences are serious like not paying bills or show up for work late because they can’t set an alarm clock? Use judgment for safety issues, but for most daily responsibilities, stepping back is incredibly effective.
Strategy 2: Say It Once
This is a game-changer: say it once, then stop. "Dinner is in 10 minutes. Please set the table." That's it. No repeating, no reminding, no following them around. If you say something more than once it means you’re telling them you don’t mean it, that you’ll handle the reminders instead of them learning to remind themselves. If you say something once then do it yourself, you've also taught them to ignore you.
What happens when they don't do it? The consequence kicks in, yes, you have to figure out consequences. They miss eating with the family, or they set it while food gets cold or maybe mom is only available to take kids to the mall to shop who’ve set the table as they were asked. The key is following through consistently.
Strategy 3: Create Routines
Instead of nagging about the same things daily, build them into predictable routines. Morning routine: wake up, make bed, get dressed, brush teeth, eat breakfast, pack backpack.
Visual charts work wonders for younger kids. Create a checklist they can follow independently. For older kids, have weekly check-ins to review what needs to happen. Then it's on them to manage it.
Strategy 4: Problem-Solve Together
This is totally my favorite strategy!! Instead of telling kids what to do, involve them in finding solutions. "Getting ready for school has been stressful. What ideas do you have for making it smoother?"
Kids are much more likely to follow through on solutions they've helped create. Make it collaborative: "How can we work together so I don't have to remind you about homework?" Keep in mind that problem solving is a process and it might take several attempts to get a workable solution that sticks. Keep at it. Model for your kids that problems take time to solve.
Strategy 5: Transfer Ownership
Have a conversation where you explicitly say, "From now on, your homework is your responsibility. I'm not going to remind you. If you need help, ask me, but managing it is up to you."
Then stick to it. When they forget, resist the urge to rescue. When they face consequences, show empathy but don't bail them out. "That must have been hard. What will you do differently tomorrow?"
Yes, they might fail a few times. That's okay. That's learning. Always, always feel free to step back to Strategy 4 to start problem solving again!
The Bottom Line
When we stop nagging, we're raising capable, responsible adults. We're teaching them to manage their own lives and face consequences. Yes, it's harder in the short term. But we're not raising children; we're raising future adults. And future adults need to know how to function without someone following them around.
Start with one strategy. Pick the area where nagging is worst and try a new approach. Give it at least two weeks before deciding if it's working.
You're not being lazy when you stop nagging. You're being intentional about raising responsible, independent kids. You've got this. If you need help, please reach out to me via email!