Today we’re diving into a question that’s as old as time itself:
Why won’t our kids do their chores?!
If you’re like most parents, you’ve tried everything. You’ve got colorful chore charts plastered around the house. You’ve listened to my podcast or read my blog on Episode 14 for chores and set up appropriate chores for the age of your kids. You’ve established that your family is made up of team players. You’ve clearly explained what needs to be done. But somehow… the chores just aren’t getting done.
Not on time. Not done well. Sometimes not even started.
You ask, “Why not?” And you hear:
And before you know it, you’re nagging. You’re yelling. Or you’re just doing it all yourself because, honestly, it's faster and easier.
Sound familiar?
So… what’s a frustrated, overworked parent to do?We change things up! We need to try something different and experiment with our kids about how to make chores “work” for our family. Instead beating ourselves up when we don’t get cooperation on all the chores that aren’t being done, we’re going to just take one area and run experiments and tweak things until our kids can be responsible for that smaller set of tasks. We take it one area at a time. Step by step. Win by win.
In this blog we’re going to start with a common battleground: BEDROOMS. 🎉
There are six steps to solving our bedroom cleanup challenge. Here goes!
Step 1: Break It Down
As a parent we want to just say “Clean your room” and have it be done, right? However, that “Clean your room” is made up of different tasks. Break them down! Sit in the bedroom of each child and come up with a list of what all the different tasks are that need to be taken care of. Be specific! Your list might be something like this:
Some of you have such lists already. That’s great but I want you to still sit down and go over the list with each child and take notes about what they think. Including them will get buy in as we go through the rest of this process. Remember, you’re a TEAM and this is Step 1.
Step 2: Choose Timelines That Work
What really needs to be done daily? What can be weekly?
Here’s an example of how one mom broke it down:
Every Morning (Daily):
Every Evening (Daily):
Weekly:
We want to recognize that not all tasks need to be done “now” or “today”.
Step 3: Decide WHEN tasks are done for each time period
This is big: Let them help choose when things get done. It gives them ownership and choices and we know that kids love choices.
Try asking:
Step 4: Set up Consequences
Now, you need to document what happens if chores aren’t done. Let your kids help decide what happens! Don’t be caught tossing out consequences off the top of your head. Your kids will just be resentful, and the chores will always be owned by you, not them.
The trick is to tie chores to things they value which is otherwise known as setting boundaries or loving limits. I’m going to say this is Level 1 Consequences. This is when the kids are just dragging their feet but aren’t defiant. Your Level 1 Consequence list will have things like:
LEVEL 1 Consequences:
Level 2 Consequences:
That’s just one parent did. He was really up front, and he worked WITH his kids to establish this which is what I want you to do.
The goal isn’t punishment — it’s teaching accountability. This dad had to tweak things a few times, but it really worked out well for them. When my boys were in high school and were money motivated, I posted a list of what it cost for mom to do their jobs for them. I picked prices such that my boys were likely to pick from the Energy Drain Idea list instead of paying me but they had choices and… kids love choices. Right?
Step 5: Post the Chart & GO!
Put up the full plan with the recognized consequences and GO!
No reminders. No nagging.
Feel free at the launch to tell your kids that there are no reminders and will be no nagging. If you’re feeling brave, set up a nagging bucket where your kids to call you out on your nagging so that you have to put an agreed amount of money in a bucket. Your nags can build up over time to a “fun night out” party or “ice cream” trip.
Step 6: Weekly Check-ins and Celebrations!
Have a family meeting (or one-on-one) after week one. Talk about what worked and what didn’t. Make adjustments. Try again. Celebrate the effort!
Repeat the weekly check-ins each week until bedroom chores become routine.
This tweaking process is SUPER important. We model for our kids that we can improve things when we try something, and it doesn’t work out perfectly the first time. I encourage you to keep meeting weekly and tweaking the what and the when and how of all the bedroom area chores.
But… remember to celebrate! Even the small wins. Especially the small wins. 🎉
This isn’t just about chores — it’s about teamwork, problem-solving, and life skills. It shows our kids that:
And yes, it takes time. But it’s so worth it.
If you’re ready to take that first step — I’m cheering you on! And if you need a little extra support, feel free to email me at [email protected]. I’d love to help brainstorm with you.
Why won’t our kids do their chores?!
If you’re like most parents, you’ve tried everything. You’ve got colorful chore charts plastered around the house. You’ve listened to my podcast or read my blog on Episode 14 for chores and set up appropriate chores for the age of your kids. You’ve established that your family is made up of team players. You’ve clearly explained what needs to be done. But somehow… the chores just aren’t getting done.
Not on time. Not done well. Sometimes not even started.
You ask, “Why not?” And you hear:
- "I don't know how!"
- "I'm too little."
- "I don't have time — I need to study!"
- "I'm playing!"
- "I'm hungry… I'm tired…"
And before you know it, you’re nagging. You’re yelling. Or you’re just doing it all yourself because, honestly, it's faster and easier.
Sound familiar?
So… what’s a frustrated, overworked parent to do?We change things up! We need to try something different and experiment with our kids about how to make chores “work” for our family. Instead beating ourselves up when we don’t get cooperation on all the chores that aren’t being done, we’re going to just take one area and run experiments and tweak things until our kids can be responsible for that smaller set of tasks. We take it one area at a time. Step by step. Win by win.
In this blog we’re going to start with a common battleground: BEDROOMS. 🎉
There are six steps to solving our bedroom cleanup challenge. Here goes!
Step 1: Break It Down
As a parent we want to just say “Clean your room” and have it be done, right? However, that “Clean your room” is made up of different tasks. Break them down! Sit in the bedroom of each child and come up with a list of what all the different tasks are that need to be taken care of. Be specific! Your list might be something like this:
- Make the bed
- Open the blinds
- Put dirty clothes in the hamper
- Put clean clothes away
- Pick up toys
- Take hamper to the laundry room
- Throw away trash
- Empty the trash can
Some of you have such lists already. That’s great but I want you to still sit down and go over the list with each child and take notes about what they think. Including them will get buy in as we go through the rest of this process. Remember, you’re a TEAM and this is Step 1.
Step 2: Choose Timelines That Work
What really needs to be done daily? What can be weekly?
Here’s an example of how one mom broke it down:
Every Morning (Daily):
- Make the bed (just a tidy-up, not military precision!)
- Open blinds
Every Evening (Daily):
- Put dirty clothes in the hamper
- Pick up toys
- Throw away trash
Weekly:
- Put clean clothes away
- Empty the garbage can
- Take hamper to laundry room
We want to recognize that not all tasks need to be done “now” or “today”.
Step 3: Decide WHEN tasks are done for each time period
This is big: Let them help choose when things get done. It gives them ownership and choices and we know that kids love choices.
Try asking:
- Morning chores: When will you do them? After breakfast? Before brushing teeth?
- Evening chores: Before bed? Before books? After bath?
- Weekly chores: What day and time works for them and what time works for you? Saturday morning? Sunday after lunch?
Step 4: Set up Consequences
Now, you need to document what happens if chores aren’t done. Let your kids help decide what happens! Don’t be caught tossing out consequences off the top of your head. Your kids will just be resentful, and the chores will always be owned by you, not them.
The trick is to tie chores to things they value which is otherwise known as setting boundaries or loving limits. I’m going to say this is Level 1 Consequences. This is when the kids are just dragging their feet but aren’t defiant. Your Level 1 Consequence list will have things like:
LEVEL 1 Consequences:
- "Books are read at bedtime after evening chores are done."
- "Computer time starts after chores are finished."
- "Parents drive kids to soccer practice when afternoon chores are done."
Level 2 Consequences:
- One missed round? The parent will do the job and the child can pick either:
- from a list of pre-established make-up chores called “Energy Drain Ideas” or
- pay the parent money for the job done from the posted pricelist of parent performed jobs (make bed, $2; hamper to laundry room on Thursdays $5)
- Two misses?
- Two days of no screen time and the child needs to provide make up chores to the parent
- Three or more?
- No computer for a week — or until enough makeup chores are done to even things out and the child needs to provide makeup chores again
That’s just one parent did. He was really up front, and he worked WITH his kids to establish this which is what I want you to do.
The goal isn’t punishment — it’s teaching accountability. This dad had to tweak things a few times, but it really worked out well for them. When my boys were in high school and were money motivated, I posted a list of what it cost for mom to do their jobs for them. I picked prices such that my boys were likely to pick from the Energy Drain Idea list instead of paying me but they had choices and… kids love choices. Right?
Step 5: Post the Chart & GO!
Put up the full plan with the recognized consequences and GO!
No reminders. No nagging.
Feel free at the launch to tell your kids that there are no reminders and will be no nagging. If you’re feeling brave, set up a nagging bucket where your kids to call you out on your nagging so that you have to put an agreed amount of money in a bucket. Your nags can build up over time to a “fun night out” party or “ice cream” trip.
Step 6: Weekly Check-ins and Celebrations!
Have a family meeting (or one-on-one) after week one. Talk about what worked and what didn’t. Make adjustments. Try again. Celebrate the effort!
Repeat the weekly check-ins each week until bedroom chores become routine.
This tweaking process is SUPER important. We model for our kids that we can improve things when we try something, and it doesn’t work out perfectly the first time. I encourage you to keep meeting weekly and tweaking the what and the when and how of all the bedroom area chores.
But… remember to celebrate! Even the small wins. Especially the small wins. 🎉
This isn’t just about chores — it’s about teamwork, problem-solving, and life skills. It shows our kids that:
- Problems can be solved
- Plans can be adjusted
- Everyone plays a part in making a home run smoothly
And yes, it takes time. But it’s so worth it.
If you’re ready to take that first step — I’m cheering you on! And if you need a little extra support, feel free to email me at [email protected]. I’d love to help brainstorm with you.